


Snapped

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 20:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11169072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: What happens when the darkness crowds in and you have reached your lowest point...





	Snapped

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended
> 
> _I have had this fic sitting on my hard drive for months, not sure whether to post it due to its nature._
> 
> _Perhaps you will think that I have 'jumped the shark' and that it is completely out of character._
> 
> _I respect your opinion._
> 
> _I believe that we all have a breaking point. A point where life has dumped so much weight onto your shoulders that you can't see a way to continue, only a way out. It doesn't matter how strong you are, you can only take so much weight and so much darkness._

I couldn’t tell you how or why I knew something was wrong, I just did. I had been sitting in my study, on the phone with John Penellin when my blood had run cold. Ending the call abruptly, I had snatched up my keys and run out of the door.

I had driven to her flat at breakneck speed. Abandoning the Bristol in the first space I saw, I raced along the path, not stopping until I reached her front door; confused when I discovered it was on the latch. I tentatively pushed it open, calling out her name.

I made my way along the small hallway towards her bedroom. Barbara was sitting cross-legged on the bed, the covers over her lap, her face streaked with tears.

I moved towards her, but she held out her hand to stop me.

“What’s wrong Barbara?”

She didn’t speak, but the look of total despair on her face tore at something deep inside me. I risked another step forward, glancing down at the bed. Cradled in her lap were empty foil pill packets. I closed the remaining distance between us and grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Barbara; tell me you haven’t!” My voice was panicked.

She stared up at me, her eyes pleading with me to help her. 

I shook her, trying to get her to focus. “Talk to me. How many have you taken?”

Still no response. I fumbled for my mobile phone, retrieving it from my belt before calling for an ambulance. When I was sure it was on the way, I turned my attention back to her.

“Why Barbara?”

Her response shattered my already breaking heart; “I have nothing left to get up for.”

~*~

A bitter chill still flooded through my veins every time I thought about how close Barbara had come to dying. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t noticed the change in her. Actually, that wasn’t strictly true; I had noticed the change in her, what I hadn’t noticed was how far she had fallen. 

My ‘other life’ had been taking up all my spare time. When I wasn’t working I was juggling running the estate, keeping an eye on Mother, who was becoming increasingly frail with age, while fending off her and Judith’s attempts at finding me a woman of suitable breeding to become the next Lady Asherton and deliver me an heir. 

Barbara also had little or no free time. Her mother was in the end stage of Dementia. Although she no longer had any idea who Barbara was, Barbara’s sense of responsibility would not let her mother face the final phase of life alone and so she visited whenever she could, sometimes sitting beside her bed for hours at a time. With both of us so busy, drinks and meals after work had become nothing more than a distant memory.

I glanced at Barbara, relieved that she was sleeping peacefully. It was a marked contrast to the few short hours earlier. I shook my head sadly. We had both become so consumed with the minutiae of our lives that we had drifted apart and had lost sight of what was really important. 

Us.

The years that we had been partners and friends had left us co-dependent. We needed each other in order to exist, it was as simple as that. Our lives were so intrinsically woven that it was difficult to discern where one of us ended and the other began. Maybe it wasn’t healthy but we didn’t care, it was how things were, and it worked for us.

I remembered how lost and confused I had felt after Helen had died. I had pushed Barbara away simply because she was the only person who could reach me. I hadn’t felt worthy of her salvation, no matter how much I craved it, and that had nearly destroyed me. That should have been a warning, and yet somehow we had allowed it to happen again, only this time it was Barbara that had paid the price. I swore that there wouldn’t be a third time.

I leaned forward and tenderly stroked her face. “I'm sorry I let this happen. I'm sorry I forgot. I won’t ever leave you alone again, I promise. I love you Barbara Havers.”

Settling back in the chair I continued my vigil, watching over her, waiting for her to wake. Nothing else mattered. I was where I needed to be.


End file.
